I like my sex mixed with concussions.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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