I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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