3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
