i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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