ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
