I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
