Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
