those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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