feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
