sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
