I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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