every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
