I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
