I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
