Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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