I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
