I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
