So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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