i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
