if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
