all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
