I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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