I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
