Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
