I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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