Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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