that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
