This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
