your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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