yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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