You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
