Kiss
Puke
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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