Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
