i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
