Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
