Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
