ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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