She's JV to your varsity
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
