5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The convent might be a nice break from real life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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