so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
