I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
