it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
