Nicole vs. Life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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