I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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