Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
