I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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