I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
