I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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