I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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