Me too!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
