You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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