We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize