So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
