is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
