We got so high we made milksteak
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
