oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
