I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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