Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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