he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
