I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
