One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
