My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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