I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
