until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize