everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
