the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize