It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
