I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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