I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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