apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
