Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
