I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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