I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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