so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Small penises have feelings too.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
