Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
