I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
