I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
