she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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