If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
