Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
