The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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