They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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