that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
